As we reflect on Father’s Day this weekend, we wanted to take time to highlight not only the importance of a father in the life of a child, but also some of the challenges fathers deal with that are often overlooked.
Society will often dote over mama and baby and while dads don’t necessarily enjoy the admiration, it’s necessary for us to make sure they know how much they mean to us. Traditionally, fathers have been the main breadwinners, the ones in charge of discipline and the main authority figure within the family. This once created an overlay of: be distanced but involved, pour into your work and let mom take care of home, and be present and loving but also an unemotional disciplinarian. This creates a difficult and confusing atmosphere for fathers and their children.
As our society has evolved and our parental roles have somewhat changed. Fathers are becoming more emotionally attached, they are more deeply involved and finding a healthier balance of how to understand that it is okay to recreate the role of dad. One thing that is important is recognizing that what works for the family, is what is best for the family. Every family is different and while some progressive parenting roles can be healthy, many traditional roles are still healthy today. Both can be utilized and both can work well. What is most important is that unconditional love envelops every second of parenting from both mom and dad and that relationships are healthy and nurturing.
Years ago, fathers were often conditioned to take on responsibilities and not let the weight of any struggles become visible. Changing culture has allowed dads to find grace and freedom to become more involved with their children and within the home. This is evident in employers extending leave for baby’s delivery, fathers coming home and helping with housework in the evening and climbing on the floor to focus on their children after a long day of work. We have learned and have begun to teach that it’s okay to play, to connect and to break down gender role stereotypes within the home. Fatherhood is simply defined by love, presence and healthy connection and parenthood is defined as a loving and attentive partnership.
Some of us have or had fathers who were present and connected, some of us had fathers who were present but not connected and some of us had fathers who were neither. But it’s important to celebrate them all. Whether they are where they need to be, working to get there or we are still praying for them to want to be involved in our lives, they deserve grace and prayer. Your dad might only give tough love, he may be outspoken, distant, overbearing, quiet or passive, but he’s your dad and he loves you. He may not know how to always show it, but show it to him and express what you need.
On this Father’s Day take the time to call him, go visit him, or text him. Extend that olive branch, say you’re sorry, or simply pray for him and work to forgive him from a distance if that’s all you can do right now. Take the time to make the effort. He may not show it, but your dad needs to hear it and I promise he will appreciate it.
Fathers. If no one else tells you today we want you to know:
You are needed!
You are appreciated!
You are valued!
