While we strive to help those in crisis pregnancy, we also provide information on avoiding an unplanned pregnancy. It is especially important to talk to our teens about the
responsibilities they may face with an early pregnancy and parenthood.
How do we protect our teens while they are maneuvering through what their friends and peers are saying about relationships compared to what they are learning from us at home?
Hopefully reading this article can help parents and teens have better communication regarding sexual values and attitudes.
Tips for you to help your children understand relationships and sexual values:
1. COMMUNICATE YOUR OWN VALUES AND BELIEFS. It is much easier to have conversations with your children when you have thought through the topics that they are more than
likely questioning. Topics such as:
- How do you feel about your school age friends being sexually active?
- Are any of your friends teen parents?
- Who do you think sets the sexual boundaries in a relationship?
- What would you tell a friend that is thinking about becoming sexually active?
- How do you feel about abstaining from sex?
2. START TALKING WITH YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT LOVE AND SEX WHILE THEY ARE YOUNG. BE SPECIFIC AND AGE APPROPRIATE. Say what you need to say with the least amount of
words needed to get your point across. Don’t confuse them with lots of details but find out what they already know (or think they know). Listen carefully to them and make sure you
are having a two-way conversation. Talking with your children about sex is not going to encourage them to become sexually active; it is your opportunity to help them understand
how relationships should work. They need to know there is a difference between love and sex. It is immensely important that they feel comfortable talking to you about whatever
they are thinking or worrying about. Some of the questions your teen may have are:
- How do I know I’m in love? How will I know when I’m ready to get married?
- Will sex make my boyfriend love me more?
- Will sex make me more popular?
- How would I tell my boyfriend or girlfriend I don’t want to have sex?
- What if they want to break up with me if I don’t have sex?
- Can you get pregnant the first time?
3. BE A PARENT WITH A POINT OF VIEW. Explain to your children that you believe kids in high school are too young to have sex. Point out the risk of sexually transmitted diseases
and pregnancy. Tell them that your family values the bond of sex as an expression of love within marriage. Teach them to think ahead about getting themselves into a sexually
charged situation and how they would handle this. Do not make them ashamed to have desires, this is normal and natural, but acting upon those feelings can lead you into
situations that you may not be prepared for emotionally or physically.
4. SUPERVISE YOUR CHILDREN’S ACTIVITIES. Do you know where your children are and what they are doing? Are your children involved in healthy activities and are responsible
adults supervising them? You may be accused of being too controlling, but explain to your children that you care about them and what they are doing.
5. KNOW YOUR CHILDREN’S FRIENDS AND THEIR FAMILIES. Welcome your children’s friends into your home and talk to them about their family. Try to get to know their parents
and what their values are. What do they expect of their children? What are their curfews?
6. DO NOT ENCOURAGE DATING. Group activities are a great way to keep your child from pairing up with one particular person. Be very clear that one-on-one dating is not an
option until they are at least 16 (or whatever age you have determined). Make sure they know this is a rule ahead of time so they don’t think you are reacting to a specific person
or invitation.
7. DATING PEOPLE OUT OF THEIR AGE RANGE IS A RED FLAG. If your child is interested in dating someone more than two years out of their age range, you will want to question the
situation. Age differences can lead to power situations that can then lead to risky situations.
8. ENCOURAGE YOUR TEEN TO ENVISION A CAREFREE FUTURE. Talk about meaningful goals and what they see themselves doing in the next 5-10 years. Help them make a plan to
reach these goals and then encourage them. Remind them that becoming a parent might derail these plans. It is not cheap or easy to raise a child. It is very time
consuming and completely changes your priorities.
9. MAKE EDUCATION A PRIORITY. Your child needs to know that their school performance is top priority at this point in their lives. Getting good grades and excelling in their area of
interest will help set them up for a successful future. Take advantage of early intervention if your child is struggling with their schoolwork or in class. School failure is a key risk
factor for teen parenthood. Limit after school activities and jobs so there is enough time for your child to complete their homework and get a good night’s rest.
10. KNOW WHAT YOUR KID’S SOCIAL MEDIA LIFE IS LIKE. Be “media literate” about what the latest trends are and what they are teaching your child. Many of the messages they are
receiving from social media are probably not in line with your values. Much of the popular music is steered to sexuality and/or violence. Talk with them about what they are
learning from what they listen to and what they are letting into their heads. Many times, expectations are not realistic and they should use critical thinking to discern exactly what
they are being taught.
11. STRIVE FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. Be affectionate yet firm with your children. Teach them they are loved and appreciated and not to settle for being treated any other
way. Be pleasant with them when you are having a hard conversation. Yelling doesn’t make them hear you any better. Have fun with your children and pay attention to them
when they are trying to talk to you; make sure they know just how important they are!
If you or someone you know would like to learn more about educating teens on healthy relationships and how to prevent teen pregnancy, please contact our staff at the PLC Health
Clinic at 419-238-9177.
*References available upon request
