All children benefit from the love and affection of their parents, but each child, uniquely made, will receive, feel, and express love differently.
If you have more than one child, you’ve probably already noticed the differences in how each one needs to receive your affection. From babies, to toddlers, and on up, it’s helpful to learn how best to show your child the love you have for them; allowing them to grow in security and acceptance.
Authors Gary Chapman and Dr. Ross Campbell in the book, “The Five Love Languages”, introduce the concept that there are five key love languages. In their later book, “The Five Love Languages for Children”, they offer helpful tips for identifying and meeting those same love languages for children. Chapman says, “Nothing works well if a child’s love needs are not met. Only the child who feels genuinely loved and cared for can do her best. You may truly love your child, but unless she feels it-unless you speak the love language that communicates to her your love-she will not feel loved.” [emphasis added].
The five love languages include: physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and gifts.
You can discover your child’s love language by observing their actions and reactions as you try some of the suggestions offered below, then you can be well on your way to connecting with your child in ways that will let them know they are important to you.
Physical Touch
Parenting throught the love language of physical touch is an important component in nurturing your child that needs this from you. If your child likes hugs, cuddles, and sitting close to you, chances are his love language is physical touch. Some ways to express love to a child whose primary love language is physical touch include:
For smaller children:
giving lots of hugs and kisses, holding hands
playing This Little Piggy, tag, and piggyback rides
snuggling close on the couch and reading together
For older children:
add a pat on the back
give a high-five
place an arm around their shoulders
Quality Time
Does your child stick close by you? Does she closely observe your actions and duplicate them? Her love language may be quality time. Figuring out how to parent a child with this love language can be difficult to find time to balance; specifically if you have other children. Finding that time though is important to a healthy relationship with your child. A child with this love language will appreciate:
Running errands or eating a meal together
Taking walks together
Making eye contact when they are speaking
Words of Affirmation
Words of affection, praise and encouragement are a powerful tool in building up a child’s confidence in a parent’s love. A child will reap the benefits of affirming words for a lifetime. If your child is verbal about what they like and dislike, and seeks verbal affirmation from you, his language may be words of affirmation. Your child may value:
Verbal affirmation of their efforts and achievements
Hearing you say “I love you” often
Having a special name of affection, endearments
Acts of Service
A child whose love language is acts of service may ask you if they can help with a task or may randomly do something kind for you or another person. She may seem to request a lot from you, and although you don’t need to jump at every request, it’s important to be sensitive and respond thoughtfully to special requests. Acts of service can involve:
Making them a special meal or favorite treat
Tucking them into bed with story time
Spontaneously surprising them with an activity they enjoy
Gifts
If your child brings you dandelions or a hand-made picture, it may be that he is demonstrating a “gifts” love language. A gift doesn’t have to be expensive, a big deal, or rely on a special day. It truly is the thought that counts with this love language. Appreciating this love language in your parenting will bless you as much as your child who thrives on this love language. Try some of the following tangible gifts:
A book that you can read together
A small, inexpensive toy or handmade gift, especially on ordinary days
Choosing hand-picked shells or rocks with your child and putting them in a jar to keep
Wrap Up
Everyone appreciates most of the love languages, and your child is no exception. The love languages simply enable us to better connect with one another and be thoughtful in our relationships. To learn more about thoughtful parenting practices, contact the PLC Health Clinic at 419-238-9177 or www.plchealthclinic.org. We offer a wide range of parenting classes that you can begin during pregnancy and continue as your child grows and develops.
*Full sources available upon request.
